Out of It

I was interviewing a young, just-out-of-college twenty-something-year old who mentioned that she worked for some rapper's indie label, and I had no clue who she was talking about. However, my equally young but-not-as-young-as-the-interviewee colleague knew exactly who she was talking about. As my colleague is not exactly a hip, edgy urbanite who would know who an obscure rapper is, he must be popular enough to have penetrating the In The Know zeitgeist. It seems, I am now officially Out of The Know. According to all marketers and advertisers, once you're on the other side of 34, you are no longer a desirable demographic. IE, your expendable cash is now going towards mortgages, college tuition, and whatever insane thing your 10-year old harps and harps and harps on you to buy for them. You see, you're spending money on Nike sneakers and iPads, but they're not for you. They are for the under-35 set. So, there it is. One day, you're In, the next birth day you're Out.

I've been thinking about age a lot lately, mostly because my birthday is coming up, and it seems like every year after I turned thirty, I've gotten into a weird head space right as July approaches. I get all philosophical and start questioning my life path and more pointedly what I have or haven't done in a year and what's different this year than last. I like when there's a noticeable difference (unless that difference is a larger pant size). And get really funny and introspective when there's not. DD recently noticed that I'm crankier at work. (Mostly, because I've somehow managed to become the office manager.) And suggested that I need to take a vacation. But it's not a vacation that I need really. It's a shift, mentally, towards something else. What it is, I haven't a clue, and I'm not being disingenuous and holding back on you. Most times, I think it's a husband and kids. Afterall, I'm over 35, I should have those by now according to my culture. Sometimes I think it's more money as the over 35 set should be in middle management. Too bad middle management pay hasn't kept up with middle class consumerism. Other times, I think it's the distance between me and my family. But I used to think that I was unhappy because I was too close to those very same people, so, *shrug* who knows? For the most part, I'm just feeling around in the dark here, probably like most of you.

My young colleague came into my office after the interview was over and wanted to assure me that I wasn't "that old." She went on to say that I don't even look my age. I look much younger! (She really is a darling.) However, how do you explain to a Los Angeles-cenric twenty-four-year old, it's not your thirty-six-going-on-thirty-seven looks that you're stressed about (though stress will do a number on them, so I might want to think about that vacation)? No, I worry about relevance, what my life means, whether something wonderful passed me by when I wasn't looking, and if, possibly, my chances for something fulfilling dwindles the closer to forty I get. It's the kinda thing that might get me a blank look and that would really depress me.

Life isn't easy. Not for anyone. And most of us can blame our height, our weight, our sex or sexual orientation, our skin color or hair color, our religion, our financial situation, and -- yes -- even our age, but I don't think anyone is walking around with it easy. I guess, it's recognizing that life is hard in general and trying to make the best of what you do have. In my case, there's nothing stopping me from going anywhere or trying something new. I'm healthy, I'm smart, and according to my young colleague, I'm young looking. Maybe I don't know rappers any more, my pop culture references are ten years out of date, and advertisers are trying to appeal to my non-existent children instead of me, but I'm OK with that. Its actually the nice thing about age that I have embraced completely and totally: I don't care about those things anymore. And its a relief.