Mind Wide Open

I've decided that I'm ready for a new adventure. The only issue I have now is what adventure it will be. And while I'm normally very pro-active about choosing my own adventure, I'm kinda curious to see what the universe might bring me instead. Kinda like being a six-year old on Christmas Eve, sitting in her feetie pajamas hoping that Santa brings a Barbie, but really excited about what else might come, too. That's how I feel right now. I want to see what else will come.

In the past, I've been very risk adverse because the way to manage disappointment is to prepare, research, manipulate, control, and prepare. Oh, and prepare. Did I mention prepare? Want to move to New York? Where will I live? How much can I afford? How much will I have to make? How will I make friends? What kind of clothes will I need? What kind of job do I want? Where do I find that job? Manage, manage, manage. Prepare, prepare, prepare. And then, when opportunity knocks, well, I'm sitting there with my jacket on and my suitcase packed. I am Ready. The only problem -- and it's a small problem at that -- is that it takes all the surprise out of life. There is no room for spontaneity. No room for a pleasant detour. No room for anything actually other than a satisfying end to a well thought out endeavor. Which is nice. And boring. Did I mention boring? Because it is. It's really, really boring.

Yeah. I'm bored. That's the problem with living a carefully planned and managed life. While I have had few disappointments, I've had even fewer surprises. While I've managed to keep drama low, I've also managed to keep exhilaration equally low. I am not a naturally careful individual. I've been nurtured into being one. But, as I've said before, I'm trying to think in different ways, give up the raft, and get a pair of hiking shoes. I'm thinking about taking a risk. I'm just not quite sure how to do that. It seems awfully, umm, risky.

Recently, I received an email from a friend of mine who is currently living in Germany. She has made me an offer: Quit my job and come live with her for six months while I write my book. I would love to do this but I'm scared. How will I make money? How will I pay off my debt? In the meantime, I've put my resume into my dream company and have gotten a tepid response. Considering I've applied several times before and never got a response, tepid feels pretty terrific. And, of course, I'm thinking about dating again and actually moving towards doing it with a little help of a dating website. So what am I doing to further these prospects? Very little, except to keep my mind wide open. And to allow the universe to move something towards me, instead of pushing against it to make whatever I want happen. I'm not going to prepare, research, manipulate, control, and prepare. And manage. Did I mention manage? I'm going to allow things to happen. Naturally. Finally. And see what comes.