Techno-friend

I'm just going to admit now that I've become a lazy friend. I totally blame technology. I no longer have to talk to anybody. I don't have to visit, have lunch, or even call. And yet, I'm probably better connected now and to more people than I ever was through my twenties.

Waaay back in the good old 90s, when I was young and carefree, I had about twenty friends. Ten, perhaps, that I would get together with pretty consistently. And five that I would talk to on a regular basis. Friendships required that little thing called time. If you called someone, it was either to make a plan to spend some face time together, or it was a twenty minute phone conversation in which you probably had some awkward pauses. If you were a lazy friend, you called when you knew the person wouldn't be home just so that you could say, "hey, sorry I missed you. Just calling to say hi. You don't need to call me back." Not that I ever did that...

Now? Well, now, we've got social networking sites. I joined MySpace back when everyone was joining MySpace and mainly used it for it's blog capabilities. Nothing much ever came out of the encounter (except, oddly, a date with a gamer), so after awhile, I got tired of it. And so did everyone else. Which is when the mass exodus to Facebook occurred. At first, I refused to make the move. Sure, my MySpace neighborhood was beginning to look like a Connecticut beach community in the dead of winter, but I had no desire to go to the Next Thing only to follow the tweens to the next Next Thing. No desire at all. But then my friends convinced me to start a blog here. And then my other friends (one of the five from those early-20s) convinced me to move to Facebook over Christmas. She said, "move to Facebook! Come on. Everyone's doing it. And the first hit is free!" No, actually, she didn't. She actually said, "you know who surfaced on Facebook? Jane Smith*! Oh my god. You've GOT to see her." And of course, you've got to be "friends" in order to see Jane Smith* so I joined.

The first thing that happened is that all my friends from my twenties found me. And right on their tails came everyone from high school. And then, people from grammar school! In fact, it was starting to get a little scary. (Especially when all those friends started to scan pictures from the mid-80s and started to tag me in them. Christ!) And the more "friends" I re-made, the more my curiosity grew. I started to go to people's pages and read their "walls" and their personal "info." And I especially enjoyed perusing their pictures. Those tagged photos on other people's pages are fabulous! It was like getting a real glimpse into their lives. Here, a photo wasn't cropped to the best angle, and a staged smile became a laugh, double chin and all. It was like being a Peeping Tom -- but with permission! And when I wasn't stalking these people, I was cyber "chit chatting" with them. These are people I haven't spoken to since 1991 -- and barely spoke to them then -- and now we're posting comments on who we want to win So You Think You Can Dance. (Go, Evan!)

The thing I've noticed the most about cyber-friendship is: If I'm a good friend with you anyway, technology is just making it easier to be "together" more often. My best friend from high school and I are currently playing a Scrabble game through the internet. My best friend from New York and I text each other every Wednesday night while watching that above mentioned dance show with our passionate opinions. (Go, Evan!) And while I'm not in Connecticut, I know when my brother is feeling a little depressed by the comments he posts on his wall and that maybe it's time for a phone call.

Psychologists continue to debate the merits of technology on personal connectedness and relationships. But for me? There's no debate about it. I might be a good friend, but I'm a fantastic techno-friend. And if that's true for everyone then I think we'll all be OK.

*name changed to protect the guilty.