Diversity & the Fat White Woman

When it comes to casting female roles in Hollywood, it is usually One Size Fits All. And that size is 4. If she's a 2 or a 0 (or a 00!) then the actress is obviously an over-achiever. 6s are allowed if they look like they are 4s, and 8s are monitored like sex offenders living eleven miles from a grammar school. But that's it. Line drawn.

Until now...

Hollywood has listened to the wails of the American people, and after eight years of an African-American president, the powers-that-be have decided "diversity" on screen is okay. Well, okay-enough. For now. Until #OscarsSoWhite will die down, dammit. Or we can get another white guy into the White House and stop empowering all these Other people. Anyway, diversity is the catch phrase of the moment, and that is good news for white people! Specifically, white women. More specifically, white women over size 8 who are not Charlize Theron (which we all know is for a role, and she will starve herself to get back down to runway model shape. Calm down, gossip hags). Yes, white women are allowed to be "bigger" on TV now! Which is laughable considering the entire population of the United States has been a sexually repressed Rubens painting for the last two decades.

"Put some clothes on, ladies!"

Let's give credit to the rise of Melissa McCarthy, shall we? Melissa has been killing it. Go, Melissa! Melissa has made it safe for female actors to be over size 4 as long as they are funny. In other words, white, comedic, female actors are gaining parity with white, comedic, male actors. Kevin James, Seth Rogan, Jonah Hill... the list goes on and on for funny fat guys, but prior to Melissa's ascendency, comedic actresses were thin. Tina Fey talks about having to lose weight in her memoir BOSSYPANTS. Something that John Belushi, Chris Farley, Horatio Sands or Bobby Moynihan probably didn't have to worry about on SNL or Frank Caliendo over at MAD TV. (For a acerbic take on this double standard, here is Tina Fey herself.)

Now that MIKE & MOLLY  is cancelled, and Melissa is free to explore the wonders of wholeness in the Paul Feig universe, there is room for another not-size-4 actress on TV.

But wait, we have two! Que?!

Say hello to AMERICAN HOUSEWIFE and THIS IS US. One comedy, one drama with comedic moments. Grab my smelling salts!

If you are the typical American woman who is between a size 14 and size 16 (American sizes, mind you, which are even bigger if you're European), then you are approaching these shows with trepidation. And we have a right to. I've tuned into both of these shows and waited for the inevitable fat-shaming/fat empowerment mixed messaging. And, alas, it resides in both.

THIS IS US actually has the easier task to accomplish. Because it is technically a drama and because it's an ensemble cast, the audience doesn't have to spend too much time with sad Kate and her self-hatred. THIS IS US actually created a Manic-Pixie-Dream-Guy to give Kate a Rom-Com aspect to her storyline, because what woman is complete without a man to validate her? The MPDG is going to teach Kate how to love herself! Or something. I don't know. I don't watch Rom-Coms with Manic-Pixie-Dream-Girls so I don't know how this trope actually plays out. But it is really painful to watch the flashbacks to Kate as a chubby kid and hear all the well-meaning but destructive things parents say to an eight-year old who is not doing a good enough job worrying about her weight. In "The Pool" episode (S1:E3), Kate was happy rocking her new Care Bear bikini only to be fat shamed not only by the other little girls, but also by her parents. While some have cheered the moment Jack came over to give Kate his t-shirt, they seemed to have overlooked that Rebecca's anxiety over her daughter's confidence was the baseline from which we were entering the story. Fat girls should not be confident. Worried Rebecca, played by the beautiful Mandy Moore, looks at her daughter and sees a target. But she is also the place from which Kate begins to see herself as damaged. Let's just say that every woman in America who has struggled with body self-acceptance will be watching this show with a glass of wine and her cell preprogrammed with her therapist's number waiting to be triggered. Kate is trying to live a "normal" life, but everything is viewed from her physical place in a world that sees her as a problem that she's not adequately solving. Kate tries to enjoy life but can't because she doesn't feel like she deserves to be happy. This is the character's arc which will be externalized through the relationship with her MPDG and, by the rules of episodic TV, she will not be able to resolve until the series finale eight seasons from now. Buckle in, America!

Why is the MPDG so thin in this picture? Uh-oh, Kate...

Then we have AMERICAN HOUSEWIFE. Full disclosure: I'm from Connecticut. Fuller disclosure: A family member lives Westport adjacent and works in the heart of Westport. In other words, I know this place, I know these people. Also, said family member is watching AH and says they are doing a good job of catching the mentality of the Westport Mommy. Maybe. Maybe not. But if only the population of Westport is watching this show, it's in trouble. AMERICAN HOUSEWIFE is the newest in ABC's Comedy strategy to hit every kind of diverse family out there: Black families, Jewish families, a Taiwanese family that is a catch-all for all Asian families. And now a rich, white family that is "diverse" because Mom is not a size 4! What will they think of next?! The concept of the series then is to show what it's like to be a fat woman living in a place where she is the outsider.

Let us take a moment to let this sink in: A white woman living in a white community is an outsider because she doesn't have an eating disorder. And let's be clear, AMERICAN HOUSEWIFE has illustrated that the trophy wives of Westport have eating disorders. In the pilot, the "normal" women are all drinking green smoothies and dressed in lycra ready to hit the gym. The antagonist is guest star Leslie Bibb who is called "Two Fit Bits" because she wears two fitness monitors like shackles on each wrist. The capper punchline is Leslie Bibb coming over to fat shame Katie (hey, another fat Kate!) while confessing that she used to be fat but she got over that by running. A lot. She's so damaged by her former fatness, the subtext says, she wears two exercise monitors. AMERICAN HOUSEWIFE is using the exclusive community of Westport to mock thin women. However, it also has it's protagonist fat shaming herself. (And I will not overlook Mackenzie Marsh's entrance in which they inverted the beauty shot to make a winking joke that her body is obviously not beautiful. No, AH, no!) AMERICAN HOUSEWIFE has a big problem -- pun intended. It wants to satirize America's weight obsession -- amend:  female America's weight obsession -- but it can't do it without making women's bodies the punchline to the joke. To take the pressure off the fat angle, AMERICAN HOUSEWIFE adds quirks to two of the three kids to highlight the family's Outsider status: the new Alex P. Keaton and a little girl with OCD. But Fat Mom is the star of the series, and therefore it is her challenges as Fat and Mom that are the basis for the show. (For the record, episode 2 leans into the SAHM angle. Hello, Mommy Wars! Oy...)

Two Fit Bits Smelling Chocolate because she can't eat it -- get it?! 

After watching the last installment of AMERICAN HOUSEWIFE, I was speaking with a plus size friend who made the comment, "why can't plus size actresses get just a normal mom role? Like, why can't [Katy Mixon] be Clare Dunphy [from MODERN FAMILY]? Most moms in America are plus size!" I thought about her question again after watching S2:E1 of THE REAL O'NEALS, "The Real Thang."

THE REAL O'NEALS is also part of the ABC Comedy strategy (family diversity sub-cateogy: Irish Catholic family with a gay son!). Mary Hollis Inboden is a secondary character on the show the rounds out the ensemble cast to the requisite six. (Six cast members means you can break down A-B-C plot lines into teams of two. See: FRIENDS.) Inboden is considered plus sized by Hollywood. I wouldn't have thought about it except the writers felt the need to point it out in the Season 2 opener: Inboden's character, Jodi, has to "come out" as plus sized when she's asked to model in a mall fashion show by a plus size clothier. The writers bungled the heck out of this story line. First, it's framed like Jodi had never looked at a clothing label or a fashion magazine in all her adult life despite being a hair dresser, so the necessity of her "coming out" is undercut by the fact that Jodi didn't seem to know she was plus sized. It was almost like the producers casted Inboden based on her merits as a comedic actress instead of a series creator writing into the slug line, "JODI - 30s, plus size;" however, this year, everyone in the writers room looked at Inboden and noticed that she was, in fact, plus sized, and said, "Hey, we need to point out that Jodi is a size 14 and make some fat-positivity acceptance message out of it!" And then, to top it off, the punchline in the tag was that nobody in the mall went to the fashion show because fat people don't care about fashion or plus size people are so rare in American malls or... something. I don't know. Second, let's not forget, that the older brother, "Jimmy," is -- was? -- an anorexic. The show seems to want to tackle weight issues, but can't seem to find a way to make it funny. I get it, THE REAL O'NEALS. I do.

The "Plus-Size Model" and the "Anorexic," or as the rest of us call them "Really Attractive People"

So far, THIS IS US is doing well. While AMERICAN HOUSEWIFE is not. The fact is, Hollywood can't seem to talk about weight in America in a funny or real way. It doesn't know how to because Hollywood finds fat aberrant. I try to picture the creators, producers, and writers rooms of these shows, and I have a hard time picturing plus size women among them. Hollywood is run amok by beautiful, thin women behind the scenes. Don't believe me:

Stacy Snider, left, Chairman/CEO at Fox

Donna Langley, Chairman of Universal pictures

Nancy Dubuc, CEO of A+E Networks

Kathleen Kennedy, uber-producer and president of LucasFilm

The diversity conversation includes the Behind-the-Scenes discussion because the people who have the power to green light projects decide what the rest of us see on our screens. Right, Matt Damon? It's their biases that play out across the media landscape.

Diversity is about inclusivity: Reflecting back to America a picture of itself. Hollywood is being responsive for now. I would caution, however, that this may be temporary. Please refer to Norman Lear's filmography. ALL IN THE FAMILY was the precursor to MODERN FAMILY. BLACK-ISH can look back at THE JEFFERSONS. MAUDE was an unrepentant feminist that can see herself scattered across the television landscape in Shondaland and anything produced by Tina Fey or Amy Poehler. But Lear's progressive concepts slipped backward during the Reagan and Bush years. While I don't think that TV will necessarily slip back into an exclusive Whites Only enclave with a token COSBY SHOW, I'm not too sure about this plus size try-out. Plus size women, white or POC, have never had their moment on TV, and I'm not sure that they can sustain their footing despite the sheer number of Americans that fall into this category who deserve to see themselves reflected, too. Maybe four to eight years of a female president might change the idea that white women are only supposed to be One Thing, but I'll be monitoring this trend like Two Fit Bits monitors her caloric intake and exercise output. Obsessively and with a tiny it of fear that it's unsustainable.

The Story Behind the Numbers

A few years ago, a friend and I were going to the movies every weekend. Around 11AM every Saturday, one of us would text the other:

"Wanna see Ironman2?"
"Sure, 7PM?"
"Yes. Pick you up at 6:30?"
"Okay!"

I would buy the tickets on the Arclight app. He would pick me up at 6:30. We'd head over to Sherman Oaks, watch the movie, then go to dinner at one of the near-by restaurants and talk about what we liked and didn't like. This became so habitual that our texts devolved into:

"I2 @7"
"K"

I cannot tell you the last film I saw. GHOSTBUSTERS? STAR TREK BEYOND? Both were fine. Both were vaguely memorable or at the very least not completely forgettable. Is this the bar, now?

This morning, I was reading The Hollywood Reporter's article, "Summer Box Office Wrap: Why Hollywood's on Red Alert Despite Near-Record Revenue." The piece posits that despite North America box office receipts of $4.5 billion (buh-billion), audiences are down by 3%. Only - only - 518 million people went to the movies this summer. Considering the American population is currently 321,418,820, that means everyone in the US, Canada and Mexico went to the movies once. (Right? I mean, that's the only way to get that number, isn't it?) However, we did not all go see ALICE 2. We might have all saw FINDING DORY. When these kinds of numbers -- millions and billions -- are thrown out, it's difficult to see the much larger picture: The intersection between entertainment and consumerism. In fact, we might need Hubble to understand it. 

The digital disruption that hit the music industry in the 90s, hit Hollywood in the early-00s. The name of the entertainment game is Money, but in order to make the Money, you need to be selling something people enthusiastically want. When tastes change, things can go drastically wrong especially when a business plan is forecasted a decade in advance. Remember the Bruce Springsteen song "57 Channels (and Nothing On)?" I'm pretty sure ESPN has 57 channels dedicated just to itself. If cable cannibalized broadcast then the streamers were the school yard bullies who took cable's lunch. I tend to think of content now in terms of the economy: Feature film is the 1% and anything we can watch on our smartphones is the 99%, and that gap is getting bigger by the day.

The THR article states that audiences are not showing up at the theaters because we are suffering from sequelitis. Which is true to a certain extent. The fatigue I feel hearing about yet another MCU announcement is akin to the feeling I used to get on the first day of school. I knew I had to go, at times I even wanted to go, but it felt like a never ending obligation that would end someday but not soon enough. Worse, when an original movie like SECRET LIFE OF PETS kills in one weekend, by Monday a sequel is announced. Just because we had a good first date, Illumination, doesn't mean I want a promise ring.  I've got commitment issues I need to work out before then. The sheer number of sequels makes it easier to opt out, too. Once you miss THOR 2 and there was no nuclear fall out, THOR 3 seems unnecessary. The stories are tangential but not integral to each other or even, sometimes, to the action currently on screen. I can sleep through half of CIVIL WAR (which I still think is an Avengers movie regardless that I'm told time and again that it's CAPTAIN AMERICA 3) and still know the storyline. Because it's not about the story. It's about very attractive people running around and fake fighting to save the alt-universe with no real impact on anything. Not each other, not the other stories, not the audience. Certain feature films feel like I'm watching my friend play a video game: At the end of it, I have had chemicals stimulated in my brain so I feel like I've had an experience, but I really haven't. Every Cap movie wants to up the stakes from the film before, but it ends up not making it's thematic point. CA1: Genesis story in which there is a clear evil villain, Hydra, and everyone pulls together to defeat Hugo Weaving. CA 2: Cap is not the only Super Soldier. Best friend Bucky is, too. But Bucky has been brain washed. Oh no! Must save others from Bucky. Must save Bucky from himself! CA 3: Must save Bucky again! By saving Bucky, Cap saves himself! But Bucky has done a lot of bad. Like, a lot. Philosophical questioning of how much one life matters: Save Bucky despite Bucky's murder of millions of people. Where do we stand on the death penalty for convicted murderers with mental issues? If you could go back in time and abort Hitler, would you? But we must save Bucky because he is the last vestige between Cap and the world he knew! Vote Trump! Make Captain America Great Again!

It's not sequelitis for me. It's the lack of compelling stories. It's not newness that I need as much as I would prefer not to spend $16 on movie ticket with an additional $10 on concessions and $3 on parking for an experience I can get sitting on a couch watching someone play Halo. I think Disney and Kevin Feige are doing a great job. Just look over at DC/Warner Bros to see how wrong it could go. I just feel like we're losing in feature film what we're getting from cable and streamers, thoughtful storytelling. And maybe, to the detriment of features, I'm being trained by good episodic TV to expect my sequels to have story continuity between installments. Is that fair to two different mediums? These lines are beginning to blur. What is the difference between 57 episodes and 57 sequels?

I've been told that I absolutely must see FLORENCE FOSTER JERKINS because it's fun. And I'd like to see SOUTHSIDE WITH YOU because I'm desperate for a romance these days. Like THR article mentioned, it's these smaller movies that are "surprising" the studio decision makers because they are making money. Not buh-billions. But mmm-millions. While I decide which of these two little indies I'm going to invest my twenty dah-dollars in, I leave you with the Boss and his quaint little problem of the early 90s.

CHYRON: Four Years Later

Wow! Have I really not been writing since 2012?! But there's so much to say, especially since I can't say it on Facebook or without the pseudo-guise of anonymity of this blog. Things I could have blogged about but didn't:

Robin Thicke and Miley Cyrus at the VMAs. Actually, the whole Blurred Lines Is Great > Blurred Lines Is Rape Culture > Blurred Lines v. Marvin Gaye Family > Robin Thicke Was High and It's All Pharell Williams Fault Robin Thicke Is Even In This Position > Robin Thicke, Persona Non-Grata; Run, Paula, Run. *sigh* That would have been a fun blog.

Hatha-Hate and J. Law falling at the Oscars. Remember when we debated which It Girl we wanted on the pedestal and which one we wanted to shred with our nails instead of, you know, which presidential candidate will usher in the apocalypse quicker?

"Could I come near your beauty with my nails..." - Shakespeare

Game of Thrones and the Red Wedding. Actually, GoT, period. Rumination: When it's over, will I feel about it the way I feel about The Wire, Mad Men, and Penny Dreadful? Mournful, but grateful for the memories when TV made me I feel alive inside.

I totally would have liked to have taken on the Solange Knowles vs. Jay-Z in the elevator, but who am I kidding? I do not put my nose into the private affairs of the Queen Bey. Know your lines, people.

The death of Joan Rivers. If you never saw the doc JOAN RIVERS: A Piece of Work, I highly recommend it. The fact she then got shafted for the Oscar that year only proved the thesis of the piece. It really brings you behind the scenes and shows the reality of being in show business, as well as gives a great historical outline of comedy.

The death of Robin Williams. If you're from Gen-X, Robin Williams was comedy. He was everything. Also, as a person who has suicides in her family history, his ending was a tragedy that should have brought more light to an issue that still goes unaddressed.

The Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin split. While I won't question the Queen Bey and refuse -- REFUSE -- to give any commentary on a certain famed obsessed reality franchise that fronts as a family,  I do take a certain level of glee in Paltrow Pain. Mostly because she acts like it doesn't matter to her, but you just know it does. What can I say? I'm an eighth German and that eighth is all schadenfreude.

The 2014 Winter Olympics. Now that we're waiting for the 2016 Rio Olympics to be a total Zika-infested disaster, let us recall the ways we waited for the Sochi Olympics to reveal Russia's inability to pull off their time in the spotlight. I'm going to share a memory from that glorious time which combined three of my favorite things: Ice skating, Downton Abbey, and Will Farrell.

Speaking of... Downton Abbey. I don't care that it devolved from a careful period, character piece into a soap opera in Jazz Era clothes. The heart wants what it wants! And obviously mine wanted a class-based Masterpiece with Dame Maggie Smith dropping bon mots into my television set. As Alice Roosevelt once said, "if you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."  Downton Abbey turned my twenty-first century woes into a yearning for another time -- a time in which my ancestors explicitly left British rule because they wanted me to have a better future away aristocrats with a tenuous understanding of noblesse oblige. (Those houses, though. *Swoon*)

Frozen. Shut up. I love it.

When we found out that Stephen Collins was not the fatherly Rev. Eric Camden and had molested under aged girls, and that Bill Cosby was not Dr. Huxtable but was administering drugs, anyway. If the Ghostbusters reboot ruined your childhood, your priorities are seriously f*cked up....

The nude celebrity photo hack and the victim blaming that went with it. WTH, people? Invasion of privacy is invasion of privacy. It doesn't matter who you are. Whether it's the Target Hack, the Sony Hack, or any other hack that has allowed nefarious individuals to access your personal information for their use, pleasure, or/and enrichment, that crap is just wrong. Morally. Ethically. Legally. When you try to make it OK because, let's face it, you enjoyed the fruits of that sneaky individual's labor, you're basically signing away your own moral high ground when it happens to you and your wallet or flying privileges.  Hypocrisy makes me nuts.

Sasheer Zamata on SNL and the attendant Black Women Aren't Funny dialogue that went with it. Leslie Jones might be the break out from that backlash, but this isn't over. My guess is that Zamata won't be back, and Jones might want out pretty soon. And we'll get to go through it all over again.

Gone Girl and Ben Affleck's penis. I have nothing more to say other than to remind you that a partial, two-second shot of Affleck's penis is Hollywood's idea of Sexual Objectification parity.

Amy Schumer. I remember when Inside Amy Schumer was launched, and I reduced her to a sell out because (A) the show was on Comedy Central and Comedy Central is notoriously male-skewed, and (B) the title of the show was purposefully sexually provocative. I mean, the guys get shows titled Key & Peele, The Daily Show, The Nightly Show, Adam Devine's House Party, The Meltdown with Jonah and Kumail. And the women fronted shows get Inside Amy Schumer, Another Period, and Broad City. Even Full Frontal with Samantha Bee over on TBS got on-board with this kind of titling. With that said, all these ladies are crushing it and fighting the good fight. So, fight on, ladies. Go get yours.

Have you seen Master of None? No? On Netflix. Go see why Aziz Ansari got an Emmy nom for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy. Warning: It's comedy that will require you to pay attention and think. I had to put my phone down and actually watch it. Crazy, I know!

While you're on Netflix: JESSICA JONES. Yaaassss! I was uncertain about Krysten Ritter, but girl Got. It. Done. And, of course, David Tennant in his purple suits was just so - ugh - no words. Loved it.

 

Making of a Murderer, Serial podcast, and The Jinx. Listen, I'm a justice-minded, girl, very Law and Orderly, but true crime entertainment doesn't entertain me. After Lester Holt's crazy Dateline tenure, the ID network, and Snapped marathons, a non-fiction reality producer really has to bring it these days. So kudos to these documentarians for crafting really compelling narratives.

Channing Tatum. This guy is a super star. No joke. He has that ever elusive It Factor. I just wish Hollywood could make an original, compelling, honest-to-goodness film to showcase what this guy could do. Instead, we're stuck with franchises and corporate IP. Leo needs to move over, because we found our next movie star. 

I'm going to end on STAR WARS: The Force Awakens. Honestly, I could (and maybe still will) write a whole blog on what it was like to be a little girl in the 70s and 80s, and how the original trilogy lives inside my tender heart. But I'm telling you right now, I wept - wept - when I saw Rey fly the Millennium Falcon and wield both a lightsaber and the Force. From this Gen-X girl who was forced to play with one Leia action figure (regardless that she owned three Princess Leias in different costumes) and who was usually regulated to the sidelines as the boys got to do everything while telling her she had to take a passive role in pretend play because "that's not what it was like in the movie!", thank you, JJ Abrams. 

Great Book, Great Movie

I had the strangest encounter yesterday. I was out and about doing errands -- usual stuff, you know, Target, car wash, grocery store -- and at one of my usual pit stops, I had an older guy (read: Dad-age) ask me if my tee shirt was promo'ing the new Baz Lurhmann movie, The Great Gatsby, since I was wearing my Gatsby tee shirt. To which I said, "no, I'm promo'ing the book.  I'm all for literacy!" His reaction? To look at me like I was weird. Dear Reader, I ask you, who was being the weirdo? A girl who is wearing an obvious ode to F. Scott Fitzgerald's greatest novel featuring the jacket illustration from the Scribner edition, or a guy who is my dad's age staring at my chest asking me if I'm promo'ing a movie that has been moved from Christmas 2012 to May 2013 starring Leo DiCaprio and Carrie Mulligan (and which I freely admit, looks pretty fantastic and I will see opening weekend probably wearing said tee shirt)? This is the kind of thing that is only confusing in Hollywood...

Anyway, if you want to promo the movie or the book or just plain literacy, I highly suggest out-of-print clothing. I own both the Gatsby and Pride and Prejudice tee shirts and will be probably be purchasing The Color Purple because it's both an excellent book and movie not to mention that purple v-necks look exceptionally good on me. But it's also a pretty good spot to find a little Christmas/Hanukkah something for that one literary friend or family member. If you live in the L.A. area, Out of Print clothing is carried at the Los Angeles Central Library! Awesomeness all the way around. (Except for the guy staring at my chest in the produce aisle. Creeper.)

Her Holiday

If we took a holiday
Took some time to celebrate
Just one day out of life
It would be, it would be sooo nice!

Oh, I'm sorry. I can't write the word "holiday" without having a Madonna flashback, lace gloves, neon yellow pants, and my favorite round brush-microphone included.  Whatever happened to those pants? I could've used them today.  Hm...anywho! It's Halloween which has grown into the second largest consumer holiday in America after Christmas. And I noticed this year that TV has doubled down on the action. Meaning, you can't turn on a show the week proceeding Halloween (or any holiday for that matter) without your favorite sit-com surrogate family doing an ode. I'd like you think back, o'dear Reader, to a time before Friends Thanksgiving specials starring Mr. Jennifer Aniston when the only special episodes were of the "very special" variety like when Matthew Perry was Carol Seaver's alcoholic boyfriend on Growing Pains or Blossom teaching us all about teen sex. (Jersey Shore has made all that moot, hasn't it?) And while many of the shows did the obligatory Christmas epi and a random Valentine's special, for the most part, the other holidays got short shrift. According to Wikipedia, The Cosby Show did two Halloween episodes in their eight years, but I can't remember 'em. How about Family Ties? Anyone...? Modern Family, however, set it up very early in the series that Halloween was Clare Dunphy's favorite holiday, so now we can look forward to Modern Family Halloween specials every year.  However, something else happened within the landscape of TV: a spike in shows created, written, and show-run (ran?) by women. What happens when you mix Halloween with Girl Power? See if you can spot the trend...

Did you see:

New Girl? The star of the show dressed as Zombie Woody Allen. The model was dressed as an angel. The third female was dressed as "Reigning" Cats and Dogs. Nick as "Bee" Arthur and Schmidt as Young Abe Lincoln or Matthew McConaughey in Magic Mike.

Suburgatory? I thought Barbie and Ken and little sister Skipper was funny, loved the shout-out to the Scooby gang, but the feminist/witch was hilarious!

Ben and Kate? Babe Ruth Baders-Ginsberg? As Kate would say, "wha...t?" Madame Curie and the billion princesses with one particular princess causing BJ to rush to Maddie's bedside to tell a story about the importance of not following the crowd.

The Mindy Kaling Project? Mindy showing up at the last minute as Diane Chambers from Cheers after being told that she had to "bring it" to the ESPN costume party.

Give up? First, shout out to all the meta costumes. They were all over the Halloween specials. Even Modern Family had it's "Sugar Daddy" and a very cute "Angel" and Devil pun. I think Raising Hope made a tongue-in-cheek joke about Shannon Woodward's height (again) when they dressed her as a gnome not mention the "is it a costume or is it a sex toy?" wink they threw in. Which brings me to point number two: The obvious mocking of "sexy" Halloween. New Girl didn't address it all. Suburgatory went for the juggler and scoffed at it. "I'm thinking of going as 'sexy skunk.'" Is it just me or is there one vowel difference between "skunk" and "skank"? Coincidence? I'll leave that up to you. Ben and Kate flat out said that the costume choices for females go from princesses to whores. And poor Mindy knew that bringing "it" to an ESPN party was code for hot and sexy which caused a mini-Mindy breakdown. "Cut a cleavage hole in my crayon costume." And where did all the sexy costumes go? Well, if they showed up at all, they ended up on the men. Schmidt in his red Speedo and black socks. Burt dressing as the gay Mailman from the Village People (you needed to have seen the epi to understand it). For the most part, the shows were just funny. Halloween was utilized to explore emotional arenas for Nick (the Haunted House was code for commitment), Mindy's own insecurities, Kate's fear of bringing up a daughter in a society that objectifies women, and even an opportunity for the Chance family to get their gay on. All in all, kudos all around! If they keep this up, I might overlook the fact that we're being forced to a consumerist mind-set pre-holidays.

Happy Halloween, Readers! I hope you're able to enjoy the holiday.  (ooo, yeah! ooo, yeah!... uck, damn Madonna.)

I Need a Hero

During Comic Con weekend (July 12th to 15th), I wrote a post, but did not post it as I felt that my thesis was flimsy. The post was about the rise of the comic book movie and why we as a society flock to see these films at a time of moral and patriotic discontent. I posited, in this unseen post, that We, the People have suffered a decade-long war effort in the Middle East and the corroding effects of a never-ending economic downturn which have necessitated our need to believe in something good, and that the current socio-economic zeitgeist has turned us all into cape crusading believers.  Unfortunately, I am too well-read for my own good and began to think about the Great Depression and Shirley Temple, and the rise of comic books by Jewish immigrants in response to Hitler's rise in Nazi Germany, and realized that my argument was specious: People have always just gone to the movies and turned to comic books for escapism and, quite frankly, just something to believe in.  In other words, this was nothing new.... But then Aurora, Colorado happened, I began to think about comic book movies all over again.

This is not a screed about the violence in comic book movies. Nor is it a petition to revisit the Second Amendment and what our Forefathers really meant about arming a militia. But it is a request to reframe the psychology that seems to be at play. First, we need to stop calling it "The Batman Shooting." I do not work for Warner Bros., D.C., or any affiliation thereof.  I do not know, nor am I affiliated with, anyone that worked on the movies.  But calling it the "Batman Shooting" or the "Batman Killing" is salacious. It was a tragedy. We don't have to link it to a major movie franchise to get people to tune-in at eleven. Yes, it did happen during a screening of the new Batman movie. Yes, James Holmes did identify himself as "the Joker." But the movie was a conduit for Holmes to express his psychosis not the motivation. So, please stop.  (Additionally, there's the Kent State Shooting, the Virginia Tech Shooting, the Columbine Shooting, and even the Amish School Shooting. This, sadly, is not a one-off. In each and every one of these massacres, we've tried to figure out the pop culture motivation -- bullying! video games! too much pressure on students to succeed! gun culture! -- and the fact of the matter is: these men were mentally ill. If we keep trying to reduce and simplify mental disorders into broader cultural issues that we can legislate, regulate, and detect with metal detectors, we will never get this under control.) The news that weekend, however, couldn't get enough of the "Batman Shooting." Would it harm ticket sales?! What does the NRA have to say?! What was the last thing Jessica Ghawi tweeted?! The line between Life and Art and the imitation of one of the other started to blur indecipherably for all of us. What was real? What was news? What wasn't? A little boy dressed as Batman being ushered out of the theater while there was a real "Joker" with real guns inside felt like theater of the absurd.

I did not go to see THE DARK KNIGHT RISING opening weekend. Not because I was worried, but because despite the shootings, I knew the theaters were still going to be packed. So I waited a week and went with a friend to a small theater that's situated to a much larger, IMAX theater, assuming that it wouldn't be quite as jammed. I was right. There was about thirty of us in the theater. The movie began to roll and during some of the louder explosions, there were flashes of light that seemed to be coming from behind us. Was this something to do with the projection? Were people coincidentally coming in-and-out of the theater letting in the outside light? What the hell is that?! I suddenly realized that I felt nervous which was absolutely ridiculous. (Full disclosure: I'm an ex-cop. The chances of a copy cat shooting on that night in that theater was probably more than a million to one. I know this. And yet....) I realized that the Holmes shooting did play into my enjoyment of the film. I'm usually all for surrendering my disbelief and sinking into the world that the movie makers have created for me. But, I couldn't. Not in that movie, not on that night. And maybe because of it, I suddenly realized how absolutely ridiculous Batman is. And once that happened, I couldn't help but to watch the rest of the movie with a skeptic's eye. Christian Bale's black eye makeup, the way the rubber rippled on the Bat suit, Tom Hardy's Darth Vader-like mask and how ADR must have been a bitch on that. As I walked out the door, I asked my friend what she thought. She shrugged her shoulders. I shrugged mine.  But then I started to think about my unpublished blog post. What did I write about the rise of the comic book movie and our unending appetite for them? I went home and checked it out.

I wrote something about nihilism, something about comedy, and a bit about platforms, and after listing the current movie titles -- which included MAGIC MIKE, TED, and SPIDER-MAN -- I wrote this on July 14th:

"It's the last [movie title, SPIDER-MAN] that made me think about this trend, especially as my Facebook Friends are at Comic-Con and posting about THE DARK KNIGHT RISING and SUPERMAN and how Wonder Woman might make an appearance in THE MAN OF STEEL (which would be awesome! Let screaming casting skirmishes ensue) in preparation for the JUSTICE LEAGUE film, DC's answer to Marvel's AVENGERS. Not to mention all the IRONMAN 3, CAPTAIN AMERICA 2, and THOR 2 articles that grace Variety and Hollywood Reporter. 

And suddenly it occurred to me that contemporary Art -- in regards to film, anyway -- is really about waiting for someone to come and save us."

Hmm....

On July 20th, James Holmes shot up a movie theater. Is it ironic that we continue to pilgrimage to the cinema waiting for a movie hero to come and save us, and the thing that showed up was the villain?

The Future of Hollywood

A couple of girlfriends and I went to see MAGIC MIKE on Independence Day. Because what says American patriot more than sexually exploiting Channing Tatum? Not much, in my book! About a third into the movie, Andie leaned over and asked if the lead actress was Elvis Presley's granddaughter.

"No," I replied. "Her daddy is the head of a studio."

Her being Cody Horn, and "her daddy" being Alan Horn, chairman of Walt Disney Studios.

About twenty minutes later, Riley Keough appears on screen as a pink-haired party girl. Riley's mom is Lisa Marie Presley; Lisa Marie's daddy, of course, is Elvis.  This got me to thinking about all the other Hollywood kids that are shaping the current movie industry landscape, and the ones that always come up in casting sessions as being "so-n-so's kid."


A trailer in front of MAGIC MIKE that looks like this year's (500) DAYS OF SUMMER is entitled RUBY SPARKS.  Ruby is being played by Zoe Kazan. Zoe is the granddaughter of Elia Kazan and daughter of screenwriter Robin Swicord.

Another Zoe who is being rumbled about is Zoe Kravitz. She, of course, is the daughter of Lisa Bonet and Lenny Kravitz. Lenny being the son of actress Roxie Roker and news executive Sy Kravitz.

Kazan also reminded me of Kasdan, Jake Kasdan son of Lawrence Kasdan -- whom "everyone" was rooting for when BAD TEACHER came out. It bombed, but I don't think we should be worried for Jake. Hollywood kids always get a second chance...and a third...and a fourth...and a, well, you get the picture.

Jake reminded me of director Jason Reitman, son of director Ivan Reitman. Jason gained some indie cred with THANK YOU FOR SMOKING before scoring big a couple summers ago with JUNO and then was up for an Oscar with UP IN THE AIR because Hollywood loves nothing more than a dynasty. (Drew Barrymore will get an Oscar. She just isn't trying hard enough. One Holocaust movie, Drew, or a bio pic that isn't on HBO. They will throw rose petals for you on your way to the stage.)

Jake and Jason reminded me of Jeffrey Jacob Abrams, better known as JJ.  JJ is the son of producer Gerald Abrams. If you haven't heard of JJ, you're dead.

There's Lily Collins who starred in MIRROR, MIRROR this summer with Julia Roberts (whose brother Eric helped her get her start, and who is helping Eric's daughter Emma in return). Lily doesn't like to mention it, but her daddy is Phil Collins. Against All Odds?  Not likely. Her co-star was Armie Hammer.  Armie is the great-grandson of Armand Hammer. I know this because we were looking at him for a role before THE SOCIAL NETWORK came out and the casting director made sure that we knew that he was a Hammer of the Los Angeles Hammers. Speaking of Money...

Rooney Mara, the newest of the new It Girls, is NFL royalty. Great grandpas Rooney and Mara were founders of the Steelers and the Giants respectively. You might argue that the NFL isn't Hollywood, but I would say, "have you seen the SuperBowl ratings?" Entertainment is entertainment, and more importantly, money is money, darling. This is the USA.

Speaking of It Girls, this entry wouldn't be complete without bring up GIRLS, the new HBO comedy coming to an Emmy show near you. Lena Dunham's mom is Laurie Simmons. Allison Williams is the daughter of NBC news anchor Brian (who is rumored to be friends with GIRLS producer Judd Apatow, but we have been assured that Allison had to audition).  Jemima Kirke's dad is the drummer for Bad Company. Zosia Mamet's father is none other than David Mamet.

And the list goes on and on: Kristen Stewart is the daughter of a producer dad and script supervisor mom; Blake Lively's dad is actor Ernie Lively; Keira Knighley's mom is playwright Sharman MacDonald and dad is stage actor Will Knightley. Rashida Jones, of course, is the daughter of music producer Quincy Jones and MOD SQUAD actress Peggy Lipton. Chris Pine's dad was on CHIPs. Mamie Gummer and Eva Amurri Martino are the daughters of Meryl Streep and Susan Sarandon respectively. But these guys are sooo last year, I shouldn't have even brought them up. 

Occasionally, I'm called upon to give advice to people trying to break into the industry. I give them all the same crap advice I got when I was trying to get my first job. Look at the UTA job list. Make friends. Make more friends. Network. Be thin and pretty/hard bodied and hot. But really, it comes down to good old fashioned nepotism. If you got a family member in the business, then you can get into the business...how else do you explain Jim Belushi?